“Guess what Old Girl?” I hate it when you know who bursts in with that eager look on her face. “Well, come on, guess what?” What does she expect me to do? She can’t hear me, but I do wonder what all the excitement is all about. If she tries to contain herself any longer, I think she’ll wet herself.
“We’ve finally got a publishing deal together, Old Girl. Your diaries are going to appear in print as well as an E book… It’s not going to be just a Kindle anymore. It’s absolutely brilliant and you will become a famous author… Book signings and all that. What do you think of that then?”
Well, to be honest, I couldn’t care less. I’m about to be 78 and all I want is a quiet life, I am not interested in this book. Correct me if I am wrong, but wasn’t this book all your doing? You helped yourself to my diaries and turned them in to a book. It’s really nothing to do with me.
“Matador, they’re the publishing company say we can launch it on 1st July 2012. Apparently it takes that long to get all the pre-publicity out. But printed versions of the book should be available in the spring. Brilliant huh?” I am trying hard to look as disinterested as I can, but as usual she doesn’t notice.
“Hopefully the book will be out when we go off on the JOGLE…” Please don’t remind me. I really don’t want to know about that particular event. She stares into my empty engine compartment, probably like me wondering whether the engine will be back in time for her to do the run.
“Oh yes, I almost forgot. We are going to put magnetic signs on your door to promote the book. That way as people admire us as we go past, they will see you’ve done a book. How about that then?”
I wonder who it was who said, “Well frankly my dear, I couldn’t give a damn.” Because I know exactly how he felt.