tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26873121712059028052024-03-13T07:15:07.953+00:00Miss Daisy's DiaryIt was her 70th birthday when Miss Daisy settled into her new home in March 2004. Then she looked forward to writing her memoirs. But Her Ladyship had some very different and sometimes rather extreme plans in mind.Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-33850514909697972872013-10-06T11:48:00.000+01:002013-10-06T11:48:10.958+01:00Miss Daisy's Normandy Diary<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i>At the end of August 2013, Her Ladyship went to France in Miss Daisy, accompanied by another seven cars. Over the next few blogs, she relates her experiences.</i> </div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Tuesday 20<sup>th</sup>
August</b></div>
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Why did she have to bring him along?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, it’s me exclusively for this sort of
trip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know what she says, “Hello Old
Girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Guess what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re going back to France with some of your
relatives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How about that then?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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That’s what she said to me when she raised the matter of
a trip to Normandy back in May.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No
mention of him though. Oh no, no, no, no, no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No mention whatsoever that the Grey One was coming along too.</div>
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So there we were, Wee Fergus, The Grey One and myself,
sitting in the sunshine waiting for our drivers and passengers to load us
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship me, The Nice Mister
Tony and his daughter Danielle had chosen to travel in the Grey One – poor
fools.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then in Wee Fergus were The Nice
Missus Debbie and the nice Missus Jane. </div>
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“It’s going to be a glorious week,” announced Her
Ladyship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Checked the forecast for Caen
and it’s going to be thirty four degrees on Thursday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lots and lots of bright sunshine are
promised, how about that then?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
were nods of acquiescence as everyone climbed aboard us and we were off to
Cardiff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was worried about my brakes
and par for the course, Madam had not done anything about them and every time
she applied the pedal, my rear brakes snatched and I really didn’t like
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that somehow she thought the
problem would go away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course it
didn’t.</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Wednesday 21<sup>st</sup>
August</b></div>
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We’d stopped at a Travelodge just outside Cardiff and
first out the next morning <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was the Nice
Mister Tony who tended to Wee Fergus’s and the Grey One’s needs. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A while later, Her Ladyship materialised,
she’d not had a good night.</div>
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“Bloody Travelodge...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Bloody bed...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hardly slept a
wink.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She continued grumbling as she
checked me over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Now Old Girl, your
brakes, let’s see what we can do to stop you snatching at your rear end.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She dived underneath me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No that’s wrong, she gingerly lowered herself
to the ground armed with a spanner and some pliers and proceeded to loosen my
rear nearside brake cable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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“Right, let’s see how that works,” she said as she got in
and started me up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We proceeded around
the car park and every now and again pressing my brake pedal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each time my rear wheels would lock causing
me to skid.</div>
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“It’s no good,” Her Ladyship announced to the assembled
drivers and passengers on our return.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“She’s still having her brakes lock.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
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“We’ll take a look at her at the services at coffee
time,” The Nice Mister Tony said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Now
let’s get on.”</div>
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We finally made it to Portsmouth at 5.00pm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We made it because my rear brakes had been
loosened right off and I was only able to rely on my front brakes to stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This meant that Her Ladyship had to really
anticipate every time she wanted me to stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If she didn’t we would sail on, straight over a road junction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Joining us at Portsmouth were the Nice Mister
and Missus Bob and Ann and the Nice Mister and Missus Richard and Susan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also joining us were Her Ladyship’s friends
from Cardiff, who for some strange reason had decided to come this far by
train.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t think why.</div>
<i><br /></i>Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-28387741953223407982013-03-01T13:30:00.000+00:002013-03-01T13:30:48.494+00:00She’s Got Spoked Wheels, Of Course She Qualifies! <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It all started when Her Ladyship got me out early one
morning for a good clean.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Got to have you spick and span Old Girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Charity do and all that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re going to be carrying someone older
than you, and there aren’t many on this planet that fit that bill are there?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wandered into the house chuckling to
herself. Cheeky cow!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Moments later, she was back with the Asthmatic Barking Dog
and we were off.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Pembroke Castle, here we come.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A helicopter is bringing this man there and
then we have to take him to meet a few motor cyclists who are taking him for a
bike ride. Not sure how he'll keep his balance though.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We got to the castle and Her Ladyship manoeuvred me in
through the gates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The place seemed
deserted.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Strange, there’s no one here Old Girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re on time and on the right date aren’t
we?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ah there’s someone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Helloooo, helloooo?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can you help me?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do wonder why when she has a query; she
starts to speak to people very slowly and succinctly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I am supposed to be meeting a man with a helicopter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s landing here and I have to give him a
lift to the Commons Car Park.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Well Lady, you are out of luck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No helicopter landing here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Civil Aviation Authority thought it would
be too dangerous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are landing on
the football field now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You better
hurry, because they’ll be landing soon.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Her Ladyship, who has by now emerged from my driving seat, leaped back
in and started me up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Bloody ‘elf and safety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They always succeed in screwing up other people’s fun... the Barstards!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The helicopter had touched down as we arrived at the
football ground and an elderly gentleman was being helped out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship pulled alongside.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oi...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who said that
you could park that old banger on my field?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think this voice belonged to the grounds man and I don’t think he was
too pleased at my tyre marks on the pitch.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh, I am sorry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
so, so very sorry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But at the castle,
they said I was to come here and I was just obeying orders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway, that helicopter is much heavier than
this car and you don’t seem too unhappy about that.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Ah, but I gave permission for it to park there...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But not you!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Move it!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By this time an elderly
gentleman had arrived beside me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her
Ladyship chose to ignore the grounds man, muttering something about a ‘bloody
little Hitler’ and turned to the new arrival.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hello, how do you do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You are the gentleman I am chauffeuring to where the motor cyclists are
waiting for you.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Yes I am, How do you do?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is Miss Daisy and she is going to take you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hop in.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Asking a 94 year to ‘hop in’ was rather too optimistic I thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he did manage... eventually, and without any
help from you know who.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We headed back into Pembroke and round the town arriving at
an enormous car park where not a few motorcyclists were waiting, but about 500.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Ah here you are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
Mr. Jones, welcome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can I help you
out?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are now going to be kitted out
to ride on the back of a motor tricycle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The new arrival was a stout man with a platted beard and dressed from
top to toe in leathers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He helped the
old man out and a colleague helped him away to find his new mode of transport,
but not before he came round to the front of me to thank me for the nice
ride.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think Her Ladyship was a bit put
out that he did not thank her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway, I
did all the work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Are you going to join us?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The man in the leathers had turned to Her Ladyship.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Well that’s very kind of you, but I know this is a special
motorcycle event and I fear we are hardly a motor bike.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway, I am not sure I’d keep up with you.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think Her Ladyship was keen to get home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Leather man peered at me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Nonsense, she’ll be capable of 30 to 40 mph won’t she?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship nods.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“As for qualifying as a motorbike.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well she may have two wheels too many, but
she’s got spoked wheels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course she’ll
qualify.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Personally I do not understand for the life of me why I have
to qualify for anything at my age.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaVVJ9nP5O9fQEtxiqEKys57azpR5mGtDUzNSzFxt_jFzcynQJNviT40h_bjh77yrQGO0s-EpKFx1pU990Jtb1oRT2CBnza4V6-Wh6fIU3VamNDdC8tHgDpTSHxNtz60AlpKz6bEA5Wl3k/s1600/Miss+Daisy+and+the+bikers+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaVVJ9nP5O9fQEtxiqEKys57azpR5mGtDUzNSzFxt_jFzcynQJNviT40h_bjh77yrQGO0s-EpKFx1pU990Jtb1oRT2CBnza4V6-Wh6fIU3VamNDdC8tHgDpTSHxNtz60AlpKz6bEA5Wl3k/s400/Miss+Daisy+and+the+bikers+3.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here I am!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-27494115173199139642012-12-20T09:45:00.001+00:002012-12-20T09:45:14.521+00:00Her Ladyship loses the Will To Live!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">“Well Old Girl, this is a turn up for the books!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was Her Ladyship...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Guess what?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Hmmm, let me see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Curiosity has discovered a relative on Mars?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For heaven’s sake woman, how would I know what to guess?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“It’s terribly exciting Old Girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here look at this email.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She thrusts her tablet thingy towards me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Look...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ve been invited to Birmingham!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Isn’t it brilliant?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t help wondering whether she wanted a truthful answer or a polite one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“We are going to be guests of the Pre War Austin Seven Club.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do you think of that then?” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do I think? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How about do you have to come as well?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Oh,hang on, I’ve just seen when.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the middle of November, and it’s rather a long way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think you’ll be going on a trailer.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then she was gone.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I’d completely forgotten about this conversation until Her Ladyship hauled me out of my garage one cold November morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Let’s give you a really good clean up,” she said as she hoiked me off the ground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Wheels first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re a terrible mess.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It took her two days to clean me up, both inside and out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Now Old Girl, I want you to stay clean.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really do despair of this woman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How on earth could I get myself dirty without her having a significant hand in these matters.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">A few days later she took me down the drive to where there was a car transporter trailer waiting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One end was attached to Madam’s modern car and at the other end, a pair of ramps awaiting my arrival. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Up we go Old Girl.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship revved my engine and quite deftly, planted me safely onto the trailer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t help wondering whether she would be as good securing me in place as she was getting me on board that thing.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“There we are Old Girl, all ready to go.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She clambered into the modern car and started to roll us forwards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a horrible grating and grinding sound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Madam slapped on her brakes.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“What have you gone and done now?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A rather angry Ladyship almost fell out of her modern and came back to look at the trailer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I awaited her apology with my usual patience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It didn’t take long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Oh sorry Old Girl, my fault.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I haven’t raised the trailer’s rear legs.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grabbing a spanner, Madam proceeded to lift up and lock the legs in place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once more we were on our way.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">We had achieved several miles when she pulled over again and got out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Have you put on weight Old Girl?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t seem to get any speed.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If she hadn’t been in such a rush to get away, she would have noticed that she had left the trailer’s handbrake on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now the brake drums were happily smoking away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The penny dropped...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Ah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whoops...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was a bit daft wasn’t it?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship released the brake and yet again we were on our way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t help wondering what she would mess up next.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It didn’t take long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was Cardiff Gate services.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship pulled off the motorway, swung us round some roundabouts and into a car park.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She spent the next ten minutes driving round looking for a suitable space to park us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to confess to getting rather exasperated at how many times we drove up and down the same lanes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then we stopped, Her Ladyship got out, looked around, got in again and moved us on until we stopped again and she repeated the action.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This happened several times until I heard a number of expletives and she stopped in one of the access lanes, scribbled a note and stuck it on the windscreen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I need the loo Old Girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can’t wait any longer.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And she was gone.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">We arrived at the NEC as it was getting dark.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hmm now where is car park number three?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ah, here we are...”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We joined a short queue of cars and the security man glanced at a clip board as we pulled up.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“You not supposed to be here,” he said as he stretched himself up to his full five foot two inches.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“What?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What are you talking about my man?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m looking for car park Three.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s beside Hall Seventeen.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“This is Car Park Five...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re not supposed to be here.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This wasn’t a very helpful thing to say to Her Ladyship especially after a several hundred mile trip that took most of the day.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Then,” she forced one of those smiles that suggested she had accidentally got some battery acid on her tongue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Perhaps you would be ever so kind and advise me to which car park I should go.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“You need Car Park Three.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“I know I need Car Park Three...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought this was Car Park – bloody Three.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Well it’s not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is Car P...”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Car Park – bloody Five!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“There’s no need to take that manner with me, Madam.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“If you’d been hauling this thing from Pembrokeshire to Birmingham for the last six hours, you’d be taking on this manner.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He appeared not to listen.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“If you swing round here, go back to that roundabout, take a left, then straight over the next one with a left at the one after that, you’ll find Car Park Three.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Thank you, I’ll do that.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She smiled another of her sweet acid smiles and muttered ‘Bloody Idiot’ under her breath as she drove off.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“I heard that.” The security man shouted at us as we turned around.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Now what did he say?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Left at the first roundabout...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right got that...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Straight across at the next.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There it is...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Soon be there now Old Girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not far, then we can unload you and park you in the nice warm hall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here we are – Car Park Three.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She stops beside another security man and smiles sweetly at him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I need Hall Seventeen young man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can you tell me where I need to go please.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Not this car park, Lady.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You need Car Park Three.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“But this is Car Park Three.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“No it ain’t, this is Car Park Seven.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Seven?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the man back there said this is Car Park Three!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began to wonder whether Her Ladyship was giving up the will to live.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“You took a left at that roundabout didn’t you?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship nodded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Well you should have taken a right.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“But he said...”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He cut her short. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Go back to that roundabout and go straight over, then at the next take a left and you’ll be there.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Thank you... <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you very much.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t detect much gratitude in that reply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps it was her emphasis on the ‘You’. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She swung us round yet another roundabout, then slammed on the brakes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She pulled out her mobile phone and punched at its dial.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Hello?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is that Nigel?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At last...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’d shown some sense, she was calling The Nice Mister Nigel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Nigel, I’m lost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m here, but I’m lost and rapidly giving up the will to live...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The last one?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was Car Park Seven and I think I am now heading for Car Park Three.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But judging from the directions I have received so far, I could just as easily be in Earls Court...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes I can see it...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Head that way, yes...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh Okay, and I’ll meet you there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See you in a couple of minutes...”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She tossed her phone into her bag.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Soon be there now Old Girl...”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We pulled off again and lo and behold, within a couple of minutes The Nice Mister Nigel was in the passenger seat, guiding an exasperated Wrinkled One to Hall 17 where they unloaded me from the trailer and delivered me to the safety and warmth of the NEC.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">And a last word from Her Ladyship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sincere thanks to everyone of the Pre-war Austin Seven Club team at the Classic Car Show who made me feel so welcome and who looked after me so well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apart from some heavy driving rain, we made it home safe and sound. Although it took a week to dry Miss Daisy out.</i></div>Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-41730252699908542262012-11-23T09:22:00.001+00:002012-11-23T09:22:39.410+00:00Winter Draws On<br />
Well, in the case of Her Ladyship I’ve had to gaze out on several pairs of greying winter draws hanging on the line.<br />
<br />
“Better get them washed first Old Girl,” she announces without a hint of embarrassment as they hang dripping from the washing line, advertising the fact that they permanently show that her backside has stretched them a bit. “Perhaps I ought to think about buying some new ones. There again, these are very comfortable.”<br />
<br />
Hmmph. Comfortable indeed… they look like three bell tents hanging upside down. No shape, no shape in them at all.<br />
<br />
“It’s getting colder now and we’ve been having book signings in Swansea and the NEC between the 16th and 18th November. What a haul that was. Usually Madam has been driving me to them, but in the case of the Classic Car Show at the NEC, she told me that she was putting me on a trailer ‘So I don’t get dirty!’ Well luckily for her, we had a spate of dry weather in the days running up to and the 215 mile trip itself. So I actually got there in as clean a state as I left. But I’ve sensed that Her Ladyship has been totally stressed out. The problem is that she is on an opiate pain killer.<br />
<br />
“It’s melting my brain Old Girl,” she told me. “But it does sort the back pain and I can move around. The trouble is that I just cannot remember things and I write lists and then can’t remember where I put them.” Nothing changed there then!<br />
<br />
I enjoyed the attention at the NEC. Even you know who was quite pleased with the attention I was getting. She wasn’t so pleased at the ‘Petrol Heads’ who simply wouldn’t buy my books. We still sold quite a few though, mainly to the wives of the ‘Petrol Heads’.<br />
<br />
The journey home was awful. The heavens opened and I was soaked to the skin, both inside and out. Her Ladyship reassured me that we had to plod on and get home, so it was relentless.<br />
<br />
“You are in a state Old Girl,” she said when she unloaded me. “I’m going to have to clean you up before we go to Picton and Pembroke Castles at the end of the month.” You mean there’s more of this? For heaven’s sake, I’m usually put quietly to bed this time of year, while ‘you know who’ hauls out the Grey One. I think I might go on strike. At least when they haul her in for the surgery on her back, I will get 6 weeks of peace and quiet.Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-29320586360304955882012-10-26T17:12:00.001+01:002012-10-26T17:12:57.694+01:00Didn’t We Have A Lovely Day? NOT!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:DoNotOptimizeForBrowser/> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">“Right Old Girl,” Her ladyship rolled me out onto the courtyard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Right, a big day tomorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are off to Cardiff - The Metropolis of Wales.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve fixed it for you to go to Waterstones in the city centre so that we can do a book signing.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I had to wonder why on earth she needed me along.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She only uses these events for a bit of cheap self-seeking publicity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She started to load me up with boxes of books, her luggage and the loud clink of a heavy plastic bag suggesting that she was loading me up with a large stock of wine as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Asthmatic Barking Dog looked on confused.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was filling up my rear seat, suggesting to him that he wasn’t coming with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Undaunted, he plonked himself in front of me and went to sleep, realising as he drifted off into the land of nod, that Her Ladyship couldn’t move me without his acquiescence. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">But canny as ever, Her Ladyship then started to toss his things into her modern car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Right Dog, come on, let’s go.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One eye opened to see what the fuss was about, showed some reaction to the fact that all his possessions were now in that car’s boot and then he went back to sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I said…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Come on Dog, let’s go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are going on holiday.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He ignored her once more and she marched over, lead in hand and attached it to his collar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Come on Old man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s get you into the car.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Asthmatic Barking Dog slowly got up and wandered over to the modern car and they were off.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">She returned minutes later, parked up that car and clambered into me and within minutes, we headed out the drive and she steered me for Cardiff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a lovely sunny day and I really enjoyed the journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Three and a half hours later, I was parked up and Her Ladyship had tucked into her first G&T.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The following Morning, she came out to polish and smarten me up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Right Miss Daisy, off to the City Centre now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The City Council has given me a specific route to get to The Hayes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So here we go.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ten minutes later we arrive at Womanby Street.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“That’s odd,” said Her Ladyship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“They said that someone would remove the bollards and they haven’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hang on.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She whipped out her phone and punched at the dial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hello...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was told that if I came to Womanby Street I could get my car through to Waterstones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am doing a book signing you see…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well they gave me this number…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So you can’t help me then?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Great!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She threw the phone onto my floor.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“It seems we are on our own, Old Girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hang on, I think we can get through here.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship then paced the gap between two of the bollards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Five of my feet Old Girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are Four foot four.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She clambered in, started me up and inched me through the gap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were nearly through when a shopkeeper came out and lifted one of the bollards out of its hole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Oh?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So they come out on their own do they?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The shopkeeper nodded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Thank you, thank you very much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is going to be easy now Old Girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Come on then.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">We proceeded very slowly towards our destination; that is until two bollards only four feet apart confronted us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship got out and attempted to lift the bollard out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Oh Shit – Damn – Bloody – Bugger – Cuss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t move it.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A street sweeper wandered up to us.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“You won’t get that out,” he said.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“I’ve noticed,” Her Ladyship replied curtly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I need to get to Waterstones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve had permission from the council.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How do I get there?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Well don’t say I told you, but if you turn round and head down there, turn left into Westgate Street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then two turnings down, go left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a one-way street and you’ll be going in the wrong direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But no one will mind.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Are you sure?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship seemed worried.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t surprised, I was too.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“It’ll be all right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Go up there, straight across St, Mary Street, up to the end and you’ll be at Waterstones.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship was very doubtful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Well, if you are sure…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then here we go.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It worked, except that we met a Mercedes coming the correct way down the one-way street, but I was able to get out of its way. Then through a couple of bollards with an inch either side, followed by a round of applause from the shoppers and we were there.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Well Old Girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few minutes late, but we made it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll go and let them know I’ve arrived.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You sit here and behave.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Could I do anything else?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It seemed a long day with a lot of people examining me closely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A Big Issue seller was offering people the opportunity to sit in me and have their photo taken if they bought a copy of the Issue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I though that very enterprising of him and thank God You Know Who didn’t notice. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There would have been hell to pay.</div>Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-71665382044153130342012-09-19T10:05:00.003+01:002012-09-19T10:05:42.257+01:00Gloop<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Hello…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Me
again…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well we’ve had a frantic late
July and August.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the nicest
events for me was the trip up to Warwick for the big 90<sup>th</sup> birthday
party for me and 537 of my relatives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But first I have to tell you about Her Ladyship’s attempt at camping.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You may have read about it on my facebook page, but here it
is in all its gory detail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship
had been doing a book signing at Waterstone’s Bookshop in Carmarthen and then
she was due to go to a car show the next day to try to sell and sign copies of
my book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since the venue for the
signing was only five miles from Carmarthen she decided to camp rather than
drive the 40 miles home and 40 miles back the next morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now this is a woman of some 66 years who
hasn’t actually camped since 1958 when she was in the Guides.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On top of that she has bladder issues and
needs the Loo two or three times a night.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“No problem Old Girl,” she announces one morning, waving
around some sort of fold down stool with a hole in the seat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“No worry, I can use this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a portable toilet and when I wake up in
the night, I won’t have to go out the tent to find the portaloos.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is really no need to write more on this, as I am sure
your imaginations will tell you what happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I really want to…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She had also bought herself an inflatable bed in order that
she was up off the ground and felt she’d be more comfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well that didn’t work for a start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was parked right beside her tent and
didn’t see what happened, but what I heard was enough…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“God this thing’s uncomfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder if I pumped it up too much.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An hour of grunts and tossings and turnings passed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh for God’s sake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How do they sleep on these things.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>More tossings, turnings and grunts, this time lasting another hour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then a massive grunt as she heaved herself
off the inflatable bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A light went on
and I could see her silhouette as she manoeuvred herself onto the portable
loo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I heard the sound of running
waters, and then she leant forwards to heave herself off the loo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At that point, the loo decided that it was
far better to be flat on the ground and it collapsed with Madam still on it and
obviously splashed its contents all over the tent’s ground sheet.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh, shit, damn, bloody, bugger, cuss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s gone everywhere.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her silhouette attempted to stand up and
immediately slipped, falling back into the pool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time she crawled off and attempted to mop everything
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Half an hour later, the light went
out and this time she managed to doze off to sleep, if the gentle snore was
anything to go by.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eventually the light came on again and she was grunting
herself off the bed once more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then to
my horror she lowered herself back onto the re-erected portable loo once
more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You would have thought she had
learnt from previous experiences wouldn’t you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well she didn’t and the whole scene happened all over again.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Well Old Girl, that’s the last time I camp…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a complete disaster…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ll never believe what happened…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh yes I do!!!</div>
Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-44862778593705602772012-08-19T11:46:00.000+01:002012-08-19T11:46:52.976+01:00Launched - Well I Think That's What They Call It!
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well what a month…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m exhausted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Barely days into
July, Her Ladyship delivered me to the Llangwm village pub, The Cottage Inn.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“They don’t let cars in Old Girl, sorry,” she says.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You’ll have to wait out here, while I do
the signings.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Excuse me…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s my book…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shouldn’t I be doing the signings?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Four hours later, she totters out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Sorry Old Girl, I sshhould have come out earlierer, but we were
so busy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We shigned fifty five
books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not a bad shtart Huh?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to leave you here now; I’m a bit
tiddly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One too many Slippy
Nipples?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bit tiddly indeed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One too many Slippy Nipples?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More like five too many, if you ask me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s what you humans call - ‘Pissed!’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Now don’t forget we have to go to Cardiff
tomorrow for your Radio Wales appearance.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She says in passing as she totters home</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hmmph, I’ll be left in the BBC car park, while she goes on
and on, not allowing the interviewer get a word in edgeways.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The following morning, a rather tender Ladyship
arrived.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s walking with a tentative
step.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Morning Old Girl, we’ve got to
get up to Cardiff today and they’ve forecast heavy rain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not looking forwards to the M4 to be
honest.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wasn’t surprised, it was a veritable nightmare.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Heavy rain all the way and the spray from
the passing lorries left me in a complete mess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so relieved when we reached our destination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship checked her hair and make
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t understand why, because
she was going on the radio.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Well you
never know Old Girl, they might want to put us on the telly.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this weather?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has to be joking.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
An hour later, she was out again, with a rather severe
looking producer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I reckoned that she
had messed up the interview and after a brief goodbye; Her Ladyship clambers in
and starts me up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t think I did that well Old Girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mouth seemed to be at least five
sentences ahead of my brain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At one
point I found myself talking about my Haemorrhoids…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh my God, I hear enough about them and now the whole world
knows…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“And then I used the word ‘bloody’
while I was talking about you…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh
thank you very much for that…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Let’s
get to our overnight stop.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next day we were on our way home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But first, Her Ladyship needed to take me to
see a TV production company.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t
think why, but they were talking something about doing a TV version of my
book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was still raining, but not
nearly as bad as yesterday and we got home later that day, soaked to the skin.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Two days later we were off on another book signing at the
Victoria Book Shop in Haverfordwest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At
least the sun was out and Madam obviously didn’t expect rain, because she took
my hood down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The result was that
passers by kept getting in and out of me taking photos of themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The worst were the young children, who
refused to let go of their ice creams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The result was an awful mess and a very sticky steering wheel while Her
Ladyship smiled on.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oooh you are a bit of a mess,” said Her Ladyship as she
packed me up to go home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Urgh, what is
that on your steering wheel?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll need
to give you a good clean when we get home.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We’ve had several more signings and at one, a festival near
Llanelli when Her Ladyship chose to camp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She managed to collapse a portable toilet while she was sitting on
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But more of that next time…</div>
Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-45718206647602283492012-07-06T21:21:00.001+01:002012-08-19T11:47:51.042+01:00It's Happened Now<div>
No turning back now. Her Ladyship told me that I am now a published author. How do I feel? To be honest, I don't feel anything. Any excitement has passed me by. Her Ladyship seems energised by it all. She's loving it. All I want is a bit of peace and quiet. But somehow, I don't think I am going to get it.<br />
"We've got a signing to do in Swansea Old Girl." She'd say. Then, "Did I mention that reading we have to do in Warwick?" It never ends. The latest was, "We've got to get up to Cardiff Old Girl. We are going to be on the radio."<br />
Correction Your Ladyship, you are going to be on the radio and I have this awful feeling that I am going to have to carry your ample form all that way.<br />
It was tipping down as we left for Cardiff. "I would take the modern, but they want some pictures of us." It was an awful drive. I was drenched when we got to the BBC.<br />
"When do you want to do the photos, after the interview?" She was obviously looking forwards to it.<br />
"Oh no...," came the reply. "It's far too wet. You can email us some." He strolled away leaving Her Ladyship soaking wet and now livid.<br />
"Bloody man," she said to me. I could have left you at home. For once I had to agree with her...</div>
Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com0Llangwm, Llangwm51.747112 -4.91223tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-76491932557278966592012-06-15T11:01:00.000+01:002012-06-15T11:01:04.494+01:00She's driving me mad!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh for heaven’s sake…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Will someone save me from this meddlesome woman!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship’s becoming infuriating now,
almost obsessed indeed as she fusses around getting all the pre-publicity work
done in advance of the publication of <i>Miss Daisy’s Diaries</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If there’s any consolation, she’s paying
much more attention to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s out
here most days having a chat and giving me a polish.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Got to have you looking good for the book signings Old
Girl,” she says as she slaps a filthy old chamois leather onto my bonnet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You never know when the press might turn up
to do something and you’ve got to look good.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A case of pot calling the kettle black, if you ask me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s wearing an old T shirt and a pair of
tacky jeans, hardly suitable attire surely for meeting ladies and gentlemen of
the press.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll be interested to see
what she decides to wear for her first book signing and if she insists on
wearing that ridiculous hat, I’ll scream.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You remember that I told you that she had received an offer
of £5,000 for the Grey One and that while I hoped she would get rid of him, I
doubted she would.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well I was
right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She did turn down the offer, but
promised the people that she’s look for another one for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So if there is a nice running Ruby out there
please email her at <a href="mailto:her-ladyship@missdaisydiaries.co.uk">her-ladyship@missdaisydiaries.co.uk</a>
and let her know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was supposed to go on a trip last Wednesday, but Madam
came out and told me that the BBC had forecast heavy showers all day and since
she wanted to keep me clean and smart, she would take The Grey One
instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Typical of the BBC though,
they got it wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was beautifully
sunny all day… not a drop of rain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What
annoyed me was the stupid grin on the grey one’s face when he came home.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I did have a nice day in Bryngarw though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship usually goes up on the Saturday
and back home on the Sunday, but since the forecast was rain, she decided to do
it there and back on the Sunday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“You’ll manage Old Girl,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“It’s only 170 miles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You did
much more than that every day on the JOGLE.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Don’t I know it!</div>Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-89612607830082922402012-06-07T08:13:00.000+01:002012-06-07T08:13:11.758+01:00I'm feeling better now... Finally<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I have been remiss…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I haven’t produced a blog since my return from the JOGLE back in
April.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am assured by Her Ladyship
that I am fit and well again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well of
course she would know wouldn’t she?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At least the nice Dr John got to the bottom of my engine
problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seems that somewhere
between Gretna and Bromsgrove, one of the studs which secures my engine block
to my crankcase sheared and that caused all the other studs to work loose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that resulted in the terrible vibration
I had been experiencing and which kept shaking loose various bits of my
anatomy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He fixed that problem and I
have been enjoying some lovely trips including escorting the Olympic Torch
through Cardigan.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But all was not exactly well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the morning of that trip, Her Ladyship noticed that my fan was
wobbling badly… again!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Well Old Girl,
Fan belt off I think,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’ll
get to the bottom of that problem in due course.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God help me, she’ll get to the bottom of the problem?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has baffled two very experienced men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How on earth can she ‘get to the bottom’ of
the problem?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well blow me, she did!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She dismantled the assembly yesterday and checked absolutely
everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Aha!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve found the problem Old Girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Look - here – your spigot – the lubrication
channel – it’s completely blocked with gunge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You were not lubricating the bronze bearing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It being dry, started to destroy the bush.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll soon get that sorted and put a new
bush on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then you’ll be fit as a
flea.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder what a fit flea looks
like.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There’s less than a month now before the official
publication of my book and ‘You know who’ is getting terribly excited!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s been invited to appear on some radio
programmes and the early reviews have apparently been rather good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well why not? She’s also been organised to
take part in a number of book signings and she’s told me that I have to attend
those as well.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But now, I have to brace myself for a run up to Bryngarw
Country Park for the Austin weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve been every year you know, but this year HL is worried about the
weather.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Last year’s event was a wash
out and it looks as though this year might be the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can I cope with the Wrinkled One’s moaning
about the weather?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Probably not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway, I’d rather stay at home in my warm
garage than face sheets of rain pelting down on me for two days.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh yes there has been another development.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship was offered £5,000 for The Grey
One.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good Grief, that pompous old
bore?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That much?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She says she is thinking about the offer,
but it’s unlikely she’ll sell him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Me,
I shall get myself ready for the farewell party.</div>Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com0Haverfordwest, Pembrokeshire, UK51.800475 -4.97131951.7808365 -5.010801 51.8201135 -4.9318370000000007tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-57531774360903553702012-04-27T17:19:00.002+01:002012-04-27T17:19:30.134+01:00God, I'm Exhausted!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
God, I’m absolutely exhausted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over ten days at the beginning of this month, I had been driving
for nine hours a day and I have now completed another 1,994 miles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s get this straight… one doesn’t ask a
78 year old car to complete nearly two thousand miles in that sort of
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But no, Her Ladyship
insisted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d tried to get out of it
before we left for John O’Groats.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What’s that
you ask?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What on earth am I talking
about?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish you’d concentrate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have just completed the John O’Groats to
land’s End run over Easter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But she
never warned me that to do the JOGLE once, you actually have to do it
twice!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s like this; you have to get
from your home to John O’Groats first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then when you reach Land’s End, you still have to get home again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No sympathy for me of course.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh no, no, no, no, no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>None at all.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So where was I?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
see I am completely stressed out about all this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, I did try to get out of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I allowed my cooling fan to go up its own bottom and threaten to
destroy my radiator. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the cow
spotted what I was up to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“We’ll
disconnect that before you can do any damage Old Girl.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, three days later, with fan fixed, I embarked on my
journey north.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We reached Altrincham on
the first day, some 215 miles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mind you, we had
to plough through a heavy snowstorm to get there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then on day two we headed for Lanark in Scotland.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve never been to Scotland before…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nice place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>On Day Three we reached Inverness and by then I’d managed to burn out my
brake lights.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship had to use
hand signals from then on and it was terribly cold.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She also for some strange reason bought a haggis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What on earth would she want that for?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We reached the starting line at John O’Groats on Day
Four.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship had a quick scone
and a coffee and pointed me south.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
night we stayed at Inverness again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then on Day Five we headed towards Gretna Green.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No HL wasn’t eloping, well lets face it, who
would marry her?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway, that was the
day we had trouble.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My so-called
repaired fan played up again and she had to disconnect it again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I managed to crack my fuel pipe and it
was dripping on the exhaust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
trouble was, her friends fixed that as well.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Day Six saw some terrible weather.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It absolutely tipped down, but we did make it to our next port of
call near Bromsgrove.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Day Seven brought
us much better weather and we comfortably made it to Launceston, but I was
starting to suffer some discomfort in my engine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At Launceston, I found out why HL had bought the haggis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was parked on a very steep hill and she
used it as a wheel chock.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On Day Seven, we reached Land’s End.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship produced the tin of Gin and
Tonic from under my seat and guzzled it down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Well done Old Girl, you are absolutely brilliant.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well I know I am, but we still had to do
another 360 miles to get home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was a difficult journey, not helped by the fact that
things were shaking loose from the car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The most important part being my petrol pump, which came loose on the way home, and I
spread six pints of oil down a five mile strip of the M5. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Even so</span>, I did make it home two days after
arriving in Land’s End.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A week later we visit the nice Dr. John, who did my engine
before we left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I don’t like the sound
of that,” he said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Sorry that engine
has to come out again.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Oh Great!</span>Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-26108397376708165582012-03-30T09:11:00.000+01:002012-03-30T09:11:21.090+01:00Fit, Healthy and raring to go!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh, hello.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
sorry I’ve been away having heart surgery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yes, I have what is to all intents and purposes a brand new engine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was returned to Her Ladyship last weekend
and I’m raring to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m even
reluctantly accepting the fact that I will have to do this John O’ Groats to
Land’s End run over Easter, but I am sure that over the 12 days, I can remind
Her Ladyship who is boss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My engine may
be perfect now, but there is still a lot more of me to go wrong.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we get to Scotland, Her Ladyship tells me that I have
to meet a Haggis, whatever that is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She’s asked me to think about what uses we might have for one?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I care?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Look at my headlights – do they look as though they care about what you
can do with a haggis?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had some real excitement yesterday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well it all started the day before when she
came rushing out of the house to tell me that we were going to do a photo call
with a newspaper - Wales on Sunday to be exact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then when we went to meet the photographer, Her Ladyship appeared
in such a low cut top, I was quite embarrassed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, she is 65 you know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Talk about mutton dressed up as lamb!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I could also see that she was freezing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The photographer was very nice and even the Asthmatic
Barking Dog took an interest in proceedings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>At one point he smiled at the photographer, when the said photographer
tried to turn him around to face the camera… well I think it was a smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Put it like this, he showed his teeth.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The photo session wasn’t for the book; it was for a piece
going in the paper next Sunday about the blooming JOGLE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her Ladyship did manage to get a plug in for
my book though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never one to miss an
opportunity, that one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s such a
media Tart!</div>Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-62344415694792959112012-02-23T09:52:00.000+00:002012-02-23T09:54:13.279+00:00She's At It Again...<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Guess what Old Girl?”
I hate it when you know who bursts in with that eager look on her
face. “Well, come on, guess what?” What does she expect me to do? She can’t hear me, but I do wonder what all
the excitement is all about. If she
tries to contain herself any longer, I think she’ll wet herself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We’ve finally got a publishing deal together, Old
Girl. Your diaries are going to appear
in print as well as an E book… It’s not
going to be just a Kindle anymore. It’s
absolutely brilliant and you will become a famous author… Book signings and all that. What do you think of that then?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, to be honest, I couldn’t care less. I’m about to be 78 and all I want is a quiet
life, I am not interested in this book.
Correct me if I am wrong, but wasn’t this book all your doing? You helped yourself to my diaries and turned
them in to a book. It’s really nothing
to do with me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Matador, they’re the publishing company say we can launch
it on 1<sup>st</sup> July 2012.
Apparently it takes that long to get all the pre-publicity out. But printed versions of the book should be
available in the spring. Brilliant
huh?” I am trying hard to look as
disinterested as I can, but as usual she doesn’t notice.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hopefully the book will be out when we go off on the
JOGLE…” Please don’t remind me. I really don’t want to know about that
particular event. She stares into my
empty engine compartment, probably like me wondering whether the engine will be
back in time for her to do the run.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh yes, I almost forgot.
We are going to put magnetic signs on your door to promote the
book. That way as people admire us as
we go past, they will see you’ve done a book.
How about that then?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wonder who it was who said, “Well frankly my dear, I
couldn’t give a damn.” Because I know exactly how he felt.</div>Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-31944887199253870182012-02-04T10:58:00.001+00:002012-02-04T11:00:37.719+00:00Here we go again!<div class="MsoNormal">It all happened last week. Her ladyship had burst in to my garage. “Happy New Year Old Girl. I trust you are comfortable.” Madam wandered aimlessly around, fiddling with things on the bench, opening the tool box and then closing it again.<br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Now I have some news for you and I don’t know how you are going to take it. I’ve decided that we should take part in the JOGLE. And before you ask, it’s going to be a run from John O’Groats to Land’s End and we shall be doing it over Easter. This year is the 90<sup>th</sup> anniversary of the Austin Seven and this run is to celebrate that. You’ll enjoy it, especially as there will be lots of your relatives taking part.” She then started to fiddle with some paint pots on the shelf. She knew exactly how I would feel about this, I had thought that after that run to Spain, she would have realised that the time had come for us both to ease up and rest. But it seems not… Well, not yet.</div><div class="MsoNormal">“It’ll be about the same distance as we did last year, about 2,000 miles by the time we’ve got to the start in John O’Groats and then home from Land’s End.” I didn’t know why she felt it necessary to explain all the gruesome detail. It was a ridiculous idea. I knew what would happen. I would have to slog my way along all these roads listening to her moaning on about the roads, the other cars and their drivers. And she had obviously not considered the trouble she would have with her Haemorrhoids!</div><div class="MsoNormal">“It’ll help promote your book as well. How about that? But Old Girl, I’ve held back the best bit of news.” I thought I’d taken in enough news for one day. Now there was to be more. But this turned out to be a genuine surprise.<br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“You are going to have some heart surgery. I’ve arranged to have your engine rebuilt. You Old Girl are going to have what is in effect a new engine. It’s going to be completely stripped down and rebuilt in a way that I think even you will appreciate. You will have more power; you’ll be able to go faster. In fact, you’ll feel like new. What about that then?” Well if what could I say? For once, something she said sounded rather nice. </div><div class="MsoNormal">“Therefore in a couple of days, we are going to take your engine out and send it away.”</div><div class="MsoNormal">So here I am, I’ve been drained of oil, drained of water and Her Ladyship with her friends, the nice Mister John and the nice Mister Ed are plunging in to my nether regions with their screwdrivers and spanners. Then…</div><div class="MsoNormal">Clunk… “Right that’s it,” says the Nice Mister John. “We need to pull it forwards and then tip it up and it should come straight out. Did you disconnect the battery?”<br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Whoops no,” says Her Ladyship. “We don’t want that shorting out do we?”</div><div class="MsoNormal">Now I’m watching my engine being drawn out forwards and I am beginning to feel very, very tired. </div>Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-18306839376588045322011-12-05T14:19:00.001+00:002011-12-07T12:54:52.316+00:00Gone To The Dogs<div class="MsoNormal">“Country’s gone to the bloody dogs,” growls Her Ladyship. “I mean,” she adds, “when some trades union whinger complains about a remark made in jest by Jeremy Clarkson on a TV show, I simply despair. We all know that he’s famous for polemic remarks like this. Mind you Old Girl, I agree, I think they should be shot. Country’s on its knees and they walk out on strike because they won’t be able to enjoy the gilt edged pensions they’ve become accustomed to. Meanwhile it is poor pensioners like me on my meagre income that have to pay for it in taxes.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Oh God, here she goes again, on the bandwagon about something that she can do absolutely nothing about and it’s always me that gets the brunt of it. I mean, what does she want me to do about it? Lead a coup of septuagenarians to occupy County Hall here in Pembrokeshire and then declare UDI? I think not! Let’s face it without my engine; I couldn’t make it very far.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It’s always the same. Winter’s here and she gets bored, so she comes out to my garage and has a little rant at me. Oscar the asthmatic barking dog, having followed her out and expecting a trip through the countryside, notices that my engine isn’t there, shrugs his shoulders before heading over to a sunny corner for a snooze. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“It’s no use talking to him Old Girl, he doesn’t understand what I am on about. Considering the look on his face, I imagine he thinks I am off my trolley.” Well Madam, far be it from me to say, but if the cap fits and all that…</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Hang on a minute… It’s not windy today is it?” Well actually Your Ladyship, it’s rather a nice day and that is unusual here in Pembrokeshire. “Tell you what, I have a few hours to kill… And I have a large can of gunk… Why don’t I clean your engine compartment ready for a new coat of paint before your engine comes back? I think I’ll try out that new spray gun. I’ll just go and get changed.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Moments later, she’s back. She rolls me outside, fills the spray can with this obnoxious chemical and starts the compressor. She then attacks my front end with the same enthusiasm that the ‘Asthmatic Barking Dog’ uses to attack a bone. Within seconds the air is heavy with this chemical cleaner and ‘You know who’ is kneeling on the ground having a coughing fit. “What the hell do they put in that stuff? I should instruct my solicitor”. This comes from a woman wearing no eye protection or a breathing mask. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">A few minutes later, she is recovered and she clambers to her feet. “Right Old Girl, let’s wash that all off.” She disappears in to the garage and returns with a pressure hose. “This won’t take long,” she shouts as she powers the thing up. Now I always thought you had to hold tightly on to the spray head. Her Ladyship doesn’t and the ‘Asthmatic Barking Dog’ is the first to receive the high-pressure jet of water, almost rolling him over.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Blast the thing,” she cries as she tries to tame this wildly swinging jet of water. A potted plant goes flying across the yard, smashing in to a wall. Then the jet of water finds its way in to the garage, throwing tools off the workbench and knocking my spares off the shelves. Eventually Her Ladyship manages to control this squirming snake and directs it towards my bulkhead. Unfortunately, she directs the water straight in to a concave section. It hits me and swirls round immediately and heads straight back out towards whence it came.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It takes a few seconds for Her Ladyship to switch the thing off and she stands there in front of me with water dripping from her forehead, nose and chin. She’s soaked to the skin. “I’ll think I’ll go and have a hot bath,” she says and turns on her heel to go back in doors… What about me then?</div>Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2687312171205902805.post-66237382891187709182011-11-01T12:00:00.001+00:002011-11-01T12:46:57.988+00:00Well, would you believe it?I mean... Well, what cheek.... Not content with collecting my diaries together to turn in to a book, now Her Ladyship has plonked a website into the ether in the hope that someone will go to Amazon and download the kindle version of my book. "It's only ninety nine pence Old Girl" she said. Ninety nine pence? Good grief is that all that the diaries of a 77 year old child of the Austin Motor Company is worth?<br />
<br />
"Still have to find a publisher for the printed book version Old Girl. That will sell for more. Well I hope it will sell for more. Let's concentrate on finding you e readers for now. Who knows, you might end up being famous. There again..." Cheeky cow, who does she think she is?<br />
<br />
I have lived with this woman for 7 years now and I had planned to enjoy my Autumn years quietly. I wanted to write my memoirs. I wanted to write about 'Oh David' and 'Don't worry Beatrice', the nice couple from Oxford who took delivery of me in March 1934. But no... I had barely dribbled oil on to the floor of Her Ladyship's garage when she announced that we were to drive round the World! I ask you, the world? This woman and me go round the world? Good heaven's she's completely mad. Well, so far, so good and if I have any say in the matter we'll stay firmly glued to Pembrokeshire.<br />
<br />
"Plug your book and Website Old Girl" she said. "It's the only way that I can afford your engine rebuild." Well to be honest I do need that done. Cars that follow me do tend to keep their distance. Apparently I 'make smoke' like a second world war destroyer. So if you are interested to read any more, why not go to my website at <a href="http://www.missdaisydiaries.co.uk/">www.missdaisydiaries.co.uk</a> and find out more.<br />
<br />
I have to say that Her ladyship completely messed up creating my facebook page and it's crashed now, so she is going to have to wait while they delete the site and she starts all over again. But it seems that I am at Twitter. That is <a href="http://missdaisydiary./"><span style="color: blue;">@missdaisydiary.</span></a> You know who looks after that and I dread to think what she says about me.<br />
<br />
Now perhaps I can be left in peace to get on with my memoirs.Miss Daisyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17903831001909019021noreply@blogger.com0